If there was one person I would rather spend my life with, it would be my mom. We had our differences but like my sis exclaimed, I always had her corner.
We spoke for hours mostly after I left home post matrimony. She meant the world to me. I could tell her anything, about anyone, crib, complain, appreciate, share my little and big moments of sorrow, excitement, anxiety, happiness & joy and she would be an integral part of those moments without actually having been there when they happened. 2023, January 22, that Sunday afternoon was precious. We spent hours talking - for a change she was doing the talking and me the listening. Little did I know that there will be no tomorrow. I had no clue that this will be the last time I will hear her voice, her words, her excitement when she narrated stories of her childhood and teen years. How was I to know? No one told me, no one warned me, and who would???! No one knew that this will be her last day with us - she did not either
What she meant to me? - the world! What she did for me ? - got me into this world, cared and nurtured me, attended every event of mine whether it was school annual day, sports day, honours day, pta, looked after me when i was sick, motivated and encouraged me to move on, showed me the silver lining in the cloud, wiped my tears, shared my joys, wrote me long letters when I had moved out of town, taught me cooking, sent me recipes. In short, she was a part of every moment in my life.
She lent me a ear and a shoulder when I needed one. She gave me feedback about how not to behave, speak or tackle a situation - but the interesting bit was that it never sounded like a command, order or advice. It sounded like a discussion of which I was an integral part. It was more - what do you think? Rather than - this is it. Even as a child or a teen, I never felt like she was the commander of a battalion- because she was not - she was a friend, philosopher, guide. The role of commanders were played by some other adults in the family - oh how much I hated that. Pushing authority down own's throat never appealed to me - this needs to be done because 'I say so' - that was never MY MOM. My mom would say - dont you think you should do so??
I troubled her in my early years - how? I was never a diligent, studious kid. I was foot loose and fancy free until class 7. Close to my exams, I was busy organizing skits and events in my apartment complex. Mom was closely involved in my studies until class 7 but one fine day (a day before my marathi exams), she said let us quickly browse through the chapters. When we sat together, she was aghast when she realised that I knew nothing of 'Kabaddi cha samna' - she patiently taught me and at the end of the exams took me aside and said - I shall no longer be responsible for your studies. You can choose to get serious about them or bear the consequences that life doles out. That was the turning point. The final exam report surprised one and all - I was Rank 1, with a 100 in most subjects. Even I could not believe my eyes. That was the turning point in my life.
If there was anyone who trusted me 100% with an activity, it was her. She never did follow up. She knew it would get done.
There is not a day that goes by without me remembering her. I loved her, love her and will continue to do so,.....days turn to weeks to months to years and decades. There are days I slip into a quiet corner and cry buckets - tears roll out- I cant help it. There is no one and nothing that can replace a Mom's love.
In the recent years, it was me who was usually advising her and consoling her. I tried helping her in whichever way I could. There were certain things that troubled her most - after 75+ yrs of living in her own home she was displaced thanks to redevelopment of the property - that troubled her no end, her brother who was alone in Mangalore, her husband who never paid heed to anything she suggested and always liked to have his own way even if it meant it was detrimental to his health, her health - she was frail and she shared most ailments with me (whether it was the lipids or the blood pressure). Often I look into the mirror when I miss her, there is so much of her in me - sadly not her temperament, her attitude, her gentle and soft spoken ways, her calm demeanour ; yet when I miss her I look into the mirror, I feel her and sense her
The other day I opened her wardrobe - emotions surged. I could feel her and sense her. I remembered our last conversation with the wardrobe open. She was very upset with the way her husband behaved with her - he was rude, uncaring, ignorant of her feelings, detached, she said. He spent all day in front of his mentor's pic and rest cleaning. He spent little time speaking to her. I consoled her saying little can be done to change him as he was well into his 80s. I asked her to look at the positives - he worked diligently, he involved himself in charity, he did not abuse substances, he was only cleaning not disrupting. But she was getting old too, her patience with these was running out.
That Sunday was different. I could feel it. She was happier, chirpier (she did not tell me that she was looking forward to the journey)...how was I to know? I dont ever remember disappointing her.
Even when my boyfriend proposed to me in my early 20s, I told him honestly that though I thought he would make a good life partner, I would end our relationship if my parents thought otherwise. He was shocked/ surprised but my logic was quite simple - my parents knew me for the last 20+ yrs, they had raised me, they had life's experiences and knew what is good/ bad for me. However i must hand it to him for being persistent, won them over and so there never was a struggle.
No matter how smart she thought I was she did not involve me in any financial, relationship discussions. My role was more around routine activities. That was a very mature thing to do, I would think.
